Safety. It’s a word that carries immense weight, yet its meaning can differ vastly depending on who you ask. For some, safety may be as simple as locking a door. For others, it’s a deeply nuanced experience shaped by past trauma, nervous system regulation, and even the environment we live in. As a trauma-informed coach, I’d like to explore the layered concept of safety, from the felt sense of safety to actual safety, and how this understanding can help us foster resilience in ourselves and others.
Felt Sense of Safety vs. Actual Safety
Actual safety refers to objective measures that protect us from harm, such as having a roof over our heads, food to eat, and a secure environment. However, a felt sense of safety is internal and subjective. It’s the inner knowing that we are okay, even when external conditions may not fully support it.
For example, someone living through the wildfires currently raging in California might technically be safe if they are in an evacuation zone far from the flames. Yet, the uncertainty, the smell of smoke, and the constant updates could prevent them from feeling safe. The nervous system remains on high alert, scanning for danger. This discrepancy between actual and felt safety is a critical aspect of trauma-informed care.
The Role of the Nervous System
Our nervous system plays a significant role in how we perceive safety. Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory explains how the autonomic nervous system shifts between three states:
Ventral Vagal (Safe and Social): In this state, we feel connected, calm, and able to engage with others.
Sympathetic (Fight or Flight): Here, our body is on high alert, ready to respond to threats.
Dorsal Vagal (Shutdown): When the perceived threat is overwhelming, we might retreat, disconnect, or even freeze.
For individuals with trauma, the nervous system can become "stuck" in survival modes like fight, flight, or shutdown. Survivors of sexual assault, for instance, often experience heightened neuroception—the brain’s subconscious detection of safety or danger. This heightened sensitivity can make it challenging to discern between actual threats and triggers, even in situations that appear objectively safe to others.
Neuroception and Safety
Neuroception is our body’s way of detecting safety or danger without conscious thought. For survivors of trauma, neuroception can become miscalibrated, leading to an exaggerated response to non-threatening stimuli. For example, a sexual assault survivor might feel unsafe in a crowded grocery store due to the proximity of others, even though there is no immediate danger.
Understanding this dynamic helps us approach safety with compassion. Instead of dismissing someone’s experience, we validate their feelings and work towards recalibrating their nervous system.
Wildfires: A Case Study in Safety
The ongoing wildfires in California provide a powerful lens through which to examine safety. While emergency services might assure residents that their area is not under immediate threat, the constant exposure to smoke, news updates, and visible flames can dysregulate the nervous system. Even if someone is physically safe, their felt sense of safety may be eroded by the pervasive uncertainty.
For trauma-informed practitioners, this highlights the importance of addressing both actual and perceived safety. Strategies such as grounding exercises, mindfulness, and creating a "safety plan" can help individuals navigate the chaos while restoring a sense of calm.
Building Safety Through Nervous System Regulation
To cultivate both actual and felt safety, it’s essential to support the nervous system in returning to a regulated state. Here are some approaches:
Grounding Techniques: Practices like deep breathing, engaging the senses, or focusing on physical sensations can anchor the body in the present moment.
Co-regulation: Connecting with a trusted person can help soothe an overactive nervous system, as their calm presence provides a model of safety.
Environmental Adjustments: Minimizing sensory overload, creating a consistent routine, or adding comforting elements to your space can foster a greater sense of control.
Self-Compassion: Acknowledging and validating your feelings without judgment creates an internal sense of safety.
Moving Forward
Safety is not just about external conditions; it’s about how we experience those conditions internally. Whether navigating the aftermath of trauma or the chaos of natural disasters like the California wildfires, understanding the distinction between actual and felt safety can help us support ourselves and others more effectively.
By prioritizing nervous system regulation, validating individual experiences, and fostering environments that feel secure, we can create pathways toward healing and resilience. Remember, safety is both a destination and a journey—one that we can navigate with empathy and intention.
